Ah. Spring. The days are warm. The trees are budding; the flowers are blooming. Love is in the air. Cute, hand-holding couples abound.
I think I'm going to hurl.
For some reason, as temperatures rise, the hormone levels of the average OU student also seem to rise. This phenomenon usually manifests itself with increasingly frequent displays of touchy-feely-ness
often in public locations throughout campus, ranging from simple pecks on the cheek to full-scale groping on the dance floor at Casa or The Union.
My initial reaction to these Public Displays of Affection (PDA) is shared by many people'a sudden lurch of nausea. If the PDA is small and cute, it's usually so sugary sweet that it makes my stomach turn. If it's over the top, borderline-pornographic, I feel like I've walked in on something I'm too young to be watching.
You could also say that this anti-PDA attitude is one of jealousy, that only bitter single people are bothered by the cute pairs on campus who aren't afraid to let the world know how they feel about each other. When we are single and we see cute (or disgusting) couples like this, we tend to think, We already think you're screwing like rabbits behind closed doors why do you have to put it on display for us?
For a long time, I was a huge opponent of PDA, even when I was in a relationship. When I first started dating, I enjoyed the novelty of walking down the street holding hands. I felt like I had something nobody else did, and I enjoyed it. I think every girl feels this way at some point. But the more I dated, the less novel it seemed to be, and the more prudish I got about it. I didn't want anyone to think my relationship was disgusting.
This attitude didn't really work for me. There were times when I knew I was being too cold and distant in public just because I didn't want to be seen as annoying. There were times when I'd work so hard to be physically unaffectionate that I seemed emotionally unaffectionate, too.
Even though PDA can be nauseating and annoying to innocent bystanders, it's often an important part of a relationship. Early in the relationship (especially if the new couple were friends before they started dating), PDA is what separates the person you're with from all the other people you hang out with. It's a good way to test the waters with a person early in a relationship. And if the relationship is new or casual, or you're both really busy, sometimes Public Displays of Affection are the only displays of affection that you get.
PDA can also be like relationship therapy to couples that have long-term relationships. You'd never guess when you see it, but often those displays of love and concern in public come after tension and disagreement behind closed doors. I've often watched couples I knew were having issues with each other go out and spend an evening looking like the overly-affectionate, fairy-tale pair just to feel better for a night, and it usually worked for them. Sometimes the simplest way to apologize for the fight you had in the car on the way to the party is just to hold hands once you get to the party. PDA, whether we like to admit it or not, is a normal, healthy part of any relationship, new or old.
After years of taking a hard line, I have finally come to accept that PDA is a two-way street. When you're in a relationship, you're going to commit PDA and enjoy it. When you're single two months later, you're going to witness PDA and despise it. If you're in a relationship, you understand that it's important, but try to keep it PG-13 for the rest of us who don't want to witness bedroom antics in public. And if you're single, try to understand that PDA, while nauseating, is not the whole story (even if a lot of alcohol is the rest of the story). It may be gross right now, but eventually, you'll find that special someone, and then you can be disgusting, too.
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Casey Westlake
