Everyone is calling Sunday night's surprise Best Picture win by Crash the most shocking event to occur at the 78th annual Academy Awards, but what still has my jaw dropped is the fact that it wasn't the stuffy, ho-hum event it often is.
This year, the whole ceremony clocked in at a marginally tolerable three hours and 30 minutes, and any air of self-importance flew out the window when Ben Stiller presented the visual effects Oscar in a bright-green, skin-tight leotard.
Of course, some things never die, so in honor of the good, bad and ugly about Sunday night, I give you the Academy Award Academy Awards.
Best Jon Stewart Joke: Bj+
and Dick Cheney shot her.
The Homer J. Simpson It's Funny Because It's True Award for a Jon Stewart Joke: 'Capote ' of course addressed very similar themes to 'Good Night
and Good Luck.' Both films are about determined journalists defying obstacles in a relentless pursuit of the truth. Needless to say
both are period pieces.
Best Best Original Song Performance: OK, so hearing Dolly Parton screeching All the way from Dollywood to Hollywood! as she shimmied on stage in a tight white track suit wasn't promising, but her straightforward, gleeful delivery of Travelin' Thru made the other two performances pale in comparison.
Best Reason for a Congressional Ban on Interpretive Dance: Kathleen 'Bird' York's In the Deep is magnificent, but the slow-motion reenactments of key scenes from Crash behind her performance tanked it. I can't decide what was worse: the Sandra Bullock stand-in rolling around on the floor in pain, or the cop slowly molesting Thandie Newton's character.
Most Hazardous Entrance by a Presenter: Jennifer Garner can roundhouse kick, dismantle bombs and do a mean Thriller dance but almost wiped out face-first on the way to the microphone. No worries, though: Her cheeks would have broken her fall.
Most Hazardous Name-Botching by a Presenter: Introducing musical excerpts from the five films nominated for Best Original Score, Salma Hayek mentioned Oscar maestro Bill Conti, mispronouncing the first syllable of the maestro's last name to the point of obscenity. Way to get one past the FCC, Salma.
Classiest Gal in the Room: A gracious winner and glowing new mother, Rachel Weisz gets extra points for being the first person ever to call actor Ralph Fiennes luminous.
Best Reason to Believe George Clooney Isn't the Classiest Guy in the Room: Clooney looked less than amused when Best Documentary Short Subject co-winner Corinne Marrinan thanked the Academy for seating her next to him at the nominees' luncheon. This is what happens when you give Batman an Oscar.
The James Cameron Prize for Lamest Use of a Line from Your Own Movie While Accepting an Award: Ang Lee wins Best Director and immediately quips, I wish I knew how to quit you. No, Ang. No.
Best Moment of the Night: The Crash Best Picture win, hands-down. From the deviously slow way Jack Nicholson let the word form on his lips to the deer-in-headlights bewilderment of director Paul Haggis, the biggest surprise of the night was the perfect way to cap an otherwise predictable, albeit enjoyable, evening. Crash is not perfect - and I would have been happier with a Munich win - but it is the right movie for the right time, showing that prejudice and racism are alive and well, but we all have the humanity to take a step in the right direction. And for a ceremony that has given Best Picture to undeserving candidates such as A Beautiful Mind
Shakespeare in Love and Braveheart
Sunday was a step in the right direction.
- Matt Burns is The Post's Campus Editor. Send him an e-mail at mb102503@ohio.edu.
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