Between the campiness and cultural insensitivity, 10,000 B.C. is the most hilariously bad movie made this decade. Its subtle combination of bad acting, historic inaccuracy and veiled racism make it so bad that it's good.
D'Leh is from a tribe that lives in the mountainous tundra and hunts the woolly mammoth when they pass once a year. Men riding the four-legged demons
also known as horses, attack their tribe. Many of the tribe is taken hostage, including D'Leh's love, Evolet. He and Tic'Tic, the tribe's master hunter, go to rescue the kidnapped members. They eventually meet Nakudu, the leader of a black tribe whose members were also taken. D'Leh convinces them to join him. Eventually, D'Leh is able to unify all the tribes and goes to save Evolet.
At first, this seems like a standard but slightly convoluted action-adventure plot, but underneath the surface is some conspicuous racism. Evolet fulfills the prophecy of D'Leh's tribe because of her blue eyes. When the tribe is kidnapped, it seems odd that the attackers all look very stereotypically Arab. This could easily be coincidence, but toward the end of the movie it is revealed that these people are the ancient Egyptians, and they are building the pyramids. These Egyptians coerced all of their slaves to take their religion, which forces everyone to bow down on their knees whenever a horn is blown. What we have here is a movie about a white guy unifying all of the black tribes to kill the Arabs, take away the oppression of their religion and save the blue-eyed white girl.
As if the movie's cultural propaganda was not quite enough, there are some funny inaccuracies about the ancient world in this movie. The ancient humans captured only the biggest mammoth in a net and could kill it with a single spear. Somehow this was enough to feed them all year. When D'Leh saved a saber-toothed tiger's life, it repaid him by saving his. The movie claims the Egyptian pyramids were built with the help of woolly mammoths. Although surrounded by snow, the males in D'Leh's tribe still wear loin clothes. And at the end of the movie after D'Leh has unified everyone, his reward is a handful of dry corn.
At this point, I am sure you are thinking that this film must have amazing special effects to make up for everything else, but you would be wrong. The mammoth-hunting scene inspires more laughs than awe. The tribe dumbly chases after them with their spears held high, as if they could out run an ancient elephant. The film's saber-toothed tiger looks cool, but it gets less than five minutes of screen time.
10,000 B.C. goes beyond being a bad movie and becomes a movie to watch only to make fun of it.
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Chris Bruce
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