Inevitably, every student will steal something from the dining halls during his or her years at Ohio University - typically food, but perhaps the occasional fork or spoon, as college students practically are guaranteed to lose their original silverware set.
I came to OU equipped with the silverware my mother stole when she was a student. Not surprisingly, these pieces disappeared among papers and dirty laundry, although I'm still not quite sure how my fork found its way into a sock.
For a while, I made do with plastic silverware. But after deciding I'd rather spend my extra Flex Points on greater necessities, such as a fourth bag of M&Ms, I realized I'd need to secure a new set of utensils. Being female, and thus equipped with an ever-present handbag, I easily escaped with my cache.
At mealtimes, the lack of fresh fruit in the markets encouraged my friends and me to steal whole containers of berries and grapes. We learned to keep plastic baggies tucked in our backpacks in the rare event that today was a Strawberry Day at Shively's dining hall. As a subtle alternative to blatantly filling the bags right at the counter, we carried dinner plates teetering with fruit to our table under the implausible pretense of eating it all right then and there. Yeah, right...
What began innocently enough quickly progressed to larger items, so that stealing things from the dining halls without being caught was no longer merely a matter of necessity, but rather a challenge. During the winter months, we snuck lunch trays outside to use as sleds by stuffing them up our shirts. We returned them a few days later and, other than a few extra scuff marks, the trays were no worse for wear. My shirt, however, seems to have acquired permanent rectangular stretch marks.
After this successful mission, I reason we should attempt a chair, being the next largest item. With a few partners-in-crime and a distraction (someone definitely could flirt with the meal-card swiper), this challenge is doable. Now, if we manage the chair, a booth seems like the next logical item. And admit it - having a booth in your dorm room would be sweet. However, this might require a slightly larger distraction. Food fight, anyone?
As for the Ultimate Challenge... stealing the giant flat-screen TV in Shively Dining Hall. Buy a few official-looking Shively hats, bring in tool kits and stepladders and no one will think to ask twice!
Mel Byko is a sophomore studying creative writing and columnist for The Post. If you think you can swipe something bigger and better, e-mail her at ab140409@ohiou.edu
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Mel Byko
