Hi,
Because I was raised in the South, I've made it a goal to live a life of service and chivalry. I've followed the laws of courtesy pretty closely in my quest to get through life and find the girl of my dreams. The problem is, I'm finding that girls don't respond to chivalry so well. I tried to hold a door for some random girl the other day, and she went through the door right next to the one I was holding open. It seems as if chivalry has died and I'm its only survivor. Should I give up on chivalry or embrace the inevitable single life that lies before me? - The Nice Guy Who Finishes Last
Nice Guy,
Whatever you do, don't change because you think it will increase your chances with women. You should never change your values just because you think they aren't the most popular. Plus, if you aren't true to yourself, you won't feel good about what you're doing.
Although it might seem that chivalry is dead, I swear it is alive and well - you might just have to look a little harder to find college co-eds whose values match yours.
I wish I could tell you where you should be looking for potential dates, but as you probably already know, there is no specific type of girl that enjoys having the door held for her. Some might say you shouldn't look for love at bars or parties because individuals there are looking for one-night stands more than relationships, but I don't think that's true; some people are and some people aren't. Again, you're just going to have to do a little more searching.
As for the girl who blew you off when you held the door for her, door-opening and other kinds of gestures you might find polite tend to be hit or miss. Some women will think you're being polite, but others would rather open the door on their own. I've also noticed that people walking to class tend to be oblivious, so it's also possible she didn't see you at all or was really caught off guard by your gesture.
Being a traditional gentleman does not automatically mean you'll be single forever. It might take you a little longer than you would like to find someone whose values match yours, but I think you should stick with it. If you compromise, you'll probably end up unhappy or feeling as if you're selling yourself short. If you keep looking for exactly what you want, you'll feel that much better when you find it.
- Mallory Long is a senior studying journalism and women's and gender studies. Ask her your questions about sex and love in the culture section of the post.ohiou.edu, at postpillowtalk@gmail.com or follow Pillow Talk on Twitter at @post_pillowtalk.
3 Culture
Mallory Long
