Pillow Talk,
My fiancée and I have been dating since high school and got engaged very recently. I go to school and work full-time, and up until this quarter my fiancée was going to school full-time and working part-time. This quarter he dropped out after skipping two-weeks of class because his car wasn’t running (although he barely tried to find a ride), and he has been getting less and less hours at work. Today he was offered a full-time job doing manual labor that paid more than minimum wage. He turned it down because he didn’t think it was enough money and because he “can’t adjust (his) internal clock to be at work at 6 a.m.” I am furious that he would turn down such a good opportunity, and he doesn’t understand why I’m upset. We got into an argument and he hung up on me because he thought I was being ridiculous. What should I do?
Sincerely,
Fed Up
Fed Up,
I don’t think you’re wrong at all. It seems that you’re a hard worker, and your fiancée doesn’t hold that same work ethic. I know that can be frustrating because you love this guy and want to see him succeed, but it’s also infuriating to work very hard and then watch your partner, whom you love but also (probably) consider your equal, do virtually nothing and pass up opportunities that would benefit you both.
I don’t know much about weddings, but I do know the planning process is stressful, time-consuming and often very expensive. If your fiancée is not attending school and barely working part-time, it’s lazy and selfish of him to refuse a job because he doesn’t want to get up early. At this point in your relationship, I think it’s also pretty selfish he didn’t talk to you before turning down the job.
You need to have this conversation with your fiancée again and explain to him how you feel — how you feel working so hard and watching him barely work, and how you feel about his reluctance to do something that would benefit you both just because he doesn’t feel like it. Generally, I’m not a fan of ultimatums, but this situation might call for one. Tell him he has a certain amount of time to get his act together or you’re gone, and stick to your word. If he’s going to be selfish, you can be selfish too and refuse to carry his weight.
— Mallory Long is a senior studying journalism and women’s studies. Ask her your questions about sex and love in the culture section of thepost.ohiou.edu, at postpillowtalk@gmail.com or follow Pillow Talk on Twitter at @post_pillowtalk.
