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Don't settle for being 'the other woman'



Dear Pillow Talk,

About a year ago, I started hooking up with this guy who lived near me. Out of nowhere he stopped talking to me. He wouldn’t answer my calls or texts and we stopped hooking up. Eventually he confessed that he had a girlfriend and couldn’t see me anymore. Recently though, he started texting me again and inviting me over. We always start hooking up but then he feels bad about cheating and ends the night, which makes me feel pretty crappy. I’d like to stop doing this but it’s hard for me to avoid it when I’m drunk. How can I stop this?


The Other Woman?


Other Woman,

            I’m really glad to hear that you’re interested in ending this “relationship.” No one should waste time chasing around a person in a relationship. This guy is giving you the run-around and adding insult to injury by cutting things short. It isn’t fair and it isn’t worth your time.First: get him out of every aspect of your life. Delete his phone number, unfriend him on Facebook, unfollow him on Twitter – whatever you have to do. I know sometimes people think that unfriending someone is a little harsh because “it’s only Facebook,” but you run the risk of drunkenly seeing something as silly as a Facebook status and becoming tempted to contact him. By getting rid of it all, you’ll eliminate the risk of being able to see what he’s up to and the urge to creep on him.

            Next: ask him to do the same. Contact him when you’re both sober and politely ask him to delete your phone number. It might be awkward and he might be defensive, but don’t feed into the drama. Tell him you’re not comfortable with the situation, you’re done and you don’t want to hear from him anymore. 

            It might seem as if these aren’t significant changes, but if he isn’t popping up in your phone book, you’ll forget about him soon enough. And even if you do get the desire to contact him, you won’t have his phone number — so you won’t be able to call him.      

- Mallory Long is a senior studying journalism and women's studies. Ask her your questions about sex and love in the culture section of, at or followPillow Talk on Twitter at @post_pillowtalk

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