Dear Pillow Talk,
I just got into a new relationship with a really great guy. We get along so well and I care about him a lot. We’ve started having sex and that has also been really great. He’s very sweet, kind and caring, and his personality definitely comes through in our sex life. I think it’s nice and the sex is good; however, I don’t want to have sex like this all time. I want some variation, but I’m not sure how to tell him without hurting his feelings. I don’t want to make him feel like he’s doing anything wrong because he definitely isn’t. I would just like to do some other stuff too.
Most people feel at least a little awkward when starting a new sexual relationship, even within the context of romance, so take comfort in the fact that you’re definitely not alone.
In fact, it’s possible your partner also has concerns or preferences he hasn’t voiced yet, which could be why you’re not
quite on the same page.
In relationships, honesty is the best policy, and sex is no exception. You and your partner should have a very frank
discussion about sex — what you like, what you don’t like, what you’re open to and what would never be OK. This conversation should be had at a neutral time, not right before you have sex and not right after (that should help keep things from getting too awkward).
Although it’s really important to able to talk about sex with your partner, I
understand some people really don’t feel comfortable doing so right away. If you don’t feel ready for the conversation yet, try becoming a little more
aggressive in the bedroom. For example, if you are on top, you’ll have more control and you can show
your partner what you like. Or, make things a little more interesting with a dice or card game (which can be found at just about any novelty store); that will encourage you both to try new things without feeling too much pressure.
Sometimes it takes a little time for a couple to find out what works best for them
together, so don’t be put off. Be patient and calm while you express your needs and enjoy the practice.
–Mallory Long is a senior studying journalism and women’s studies. Ask her your questions about sex and love in the culture section of thepost.ohiou.edu, at firstname.lastname@example.org
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