For 16 years, no matter what century I am in or what country I am in, September means the same thing to me: Go back to your schoolgirl life.
However, this year, the situation is more complicated, and ‘back to school’ becomes a rather ambiguous term to me.
This year, I am a graduate student. Despite whatever the connotation is to be a graduate student, I really enjoy the one more chance to keep me at school.
School is a warm word, which keeps me comfortable. I am so used to the simple routine of picking up my backpack, getting on a bus and sitting in class to study. Compared to my working friends, I am glad I can still keep some kind of innocence. I don’t have to worry about being able to afford a house or feed any child or even handle the verbose speech of my mum because I live thousands of miles away from her (love you, Mom!).
But being a grad student means I am, well, older than the majority on this campus. A little isolation strikes me occasionally. I don’t blame the age problem because I just graduated from college this summer, nor do I think it is the “Friday night is working night when you are a graduate student” doctrine keeping me away from having fun.
But for most of the time, I just evade the radar of being cool and easy. As long as I am where I am, I could do no more than missing the happy old times I had and envying the fun and adventures I never experienced.
Another twist of being a graduate student is your classmates have already been much closer to success than you. At least, it happens to me. Look at their fancy titles — associate professor, editor, photographer, writer and scientist, you name it! I feel like I am living in a world with supermen who can perfectly balance their jobs and studies and meanwhile take care of kids! I can barely feed myself sometimes.
Maybe I am quite low when confronting this dilemma, but I am not a cynic. I know it is a little bit silly sitting on my bed and complaining to my laptop, squandering the time I’m supposed to use to read papers. Anyway, I am still optimistic about tomorrow’s school life. I know I just couldn’t ask too much at one time.
Lu Wu is a graduate student studying journalism.
