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Big Shot Barker: 16-year-old Hollywood bride wastes childhood

I thought he was creepy on the silver screen, but he is even creepier in real life. The man I am referring to is 51-year-old Doug Hutchison. He is most memorable from playing the role of prison guard, Percy Wetmore alongside Tom Hanks in the R-rated movie The Green Mile.

He has been under the radar for the past several years, snagging a few big roles here and there on various films and TV shows, but he is definitely out of the shadows now thanks to his latest conquest.

He recently married a 16-year-old (who is now 17-years-old) Hollywood starlet named Courtney Stodden. If the age difference isn’t enough to make you gag this will: She claims there was nothing illegal or wrong with their courtship.

Right.

The couple also likes to inform TV program that will listen that Courtney was a virgin before their wedding day, as if this will ease the public’s minds and stomachs. It’s just too much information and clearly not a whole lot of brain cells going on.

How they became a couple is still unclear. The couple says they met online “innocently,” but other reports say when Stodden signed to Hutchison’s production company, Dark Water, exchanges through social networks and email were made.

Whether or not this is a “fixed” marriage is up for debate, but the one detail the couple happened to slip was they hadn’t even met before Hutchison proposed.

Sounds reasonable.

My favorite coverage of this suspect couple is on The Soup talk show on the E! One of the writers dresses up as Stodden and acts out all her Tweets and Facebook posts. If you haven’t gotten a chance to see what this diva looks like, please do — it will make your day.

One of Stodden’s tweets had this impertinent thing to say, “Cooking up a delicious delicacy with my dashingly-desirous-Doug. The kitchen is going to smell so savory when we place it in the oven... ;-).” Such a cute couple.

I could mention more of her Tweets, but most of them are a little too scandalous, even for a gossip column. She has a thing for alliteration, odd placements of hyphens and “winky” faces.  

If this information isn’t enough to make you realize the maturity and legitimacy of this teen and her man, I don’t know what will.

The 17-year-old is also receiving heat for her racy Facebook and Twitter pictures. According to reports, the teen bride keeps getting denied from Facebook. Stodden’s mother, Krista Keller, has said why she thinks she’s been targeted.

“It’s the jealousy from the women towards her,” Keller said, adding, “There is nothing on her page you wouldn’t find anywhere on Facebook!  She has never done any nudity. Not a breast, not even a butt cheek. It’s just her in a bathing suit!”  

This may be true, but many of her pictures could be seen as child pornography.

Gross.

Moral of the story: Kids need to stay kids for as long as possible. There ain’t nothin’ good to come out of this Hollywood couple.

For now, though, I will enjoy reading her Tweets and laughing. I am sure Courtney’s mama always said: What doesn’t kill you only makes you more likely to Tweet about your creepy marriage!

P.S. When you see a picture of the lovely couple, be sure to check out her awesome arm bracelet.

She wears it all the time, and it never works. It kind of reminds me of the character Meg from the movie Hercules. She wears an armband just like it.

Seriously, compare the images. It will blow your mind.

Hallie Gebel is a sophomore studying broadcast journalism and a columnist for The Post. Do you think Stodden’s actually 17? Email her at

hg211609@ohiou.edu.

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