After my lady friend is done orally examining my downtown area, she wants me to give her kisses. Obviously, that repulses me, and when I refuse to smooch, she gets upset. I don't want to give up blowies though, so what should I do?
— Keep my semen away from me, thank you very much
I want to say, “no duh” she gets upset, but that would make me sound childish. Kind of like saying “blowies.”
Let me get this straight: Your mouth is too good to kiss hers after she is finished giving you a blowjob (and presumably either swallows or spits out your semen, so most of it is gone anyway), but her mouth should just take it?
Does she make you brush your teeth after all of the offensive crap that you spew out of your mouth before kissing her?
Unless either of you have some disease that spreads through bodily fluids, a little of your own semen is not going to kill you.
Assuming that you are in an equal relationship and that you “orally (examine her) downtown area,” I can only guess that your fear results from some ridiculously heteronormative fear of spontaneously becoming gay after ingesting even an iota of your own semen.
That’s not how it works.
You will be kissing your lady friend after she gives you a blowjob. So, stop being so offensive and suck it up. Your girlfriend is.
Your offensive double-standard aside, the solution to your problem is simple. Don’t finish in her mouth. When you know you are almost there, tell her. Have her finish you off with her hand, or finish yourself off. She gets kisses. You get “blowies.”
Alex is a junior studying psychology and criminology.
Featured in this week’s episode of Dirty Jobs: “the blowie.” Psh.
Believe it or not, post-blowjob repulsion isn’t so obvious to women. Some dudes obviously don’t care. They make this “obvious” by quickly moving on and along with the, ahem, shenanigans.
If the sex causes fireworks, there’s little time for oral hygiene, let alone a timeout for tooth brushing.
Yes, semen is gross. But so are double standards.
Does she pucker her lips after you’ve returned the oral favor? Then it’s only fair. “What’s mine is yours” is the name of the game, and before picking a fight, it’s always safe to check yourself — you might not be acting fair.
However, if she repels kissing your messy face after you’ve orally pleased her or this remains a vendetta closer to your heart than puppy mills, find a solution.
Toothbrushes (sexy, sexy) make for handy tools during and post-bedroom play.
As in an Orbit gum commercial, a clean smile is a sexy smile. She went down on you to make you a happy man, so don’t be afraid to further communicate your needs. Feel free to steal the gum-commercial joke to lighten the mood.
Any communication that provokes a better sexual experience operates as healthy communication for both parties. As much as an expert a woman might come off while working this dirty job, a few pointers to what erects pleasure and makes you feel more comfortable always helps.
Besides, she’s blowing you, so she obviously already has your best interests in mind.
Plus, a little extra brushing never hurt anyone — her dentist will thank you.
Steph Doan is a junior studying journalism.
Struggling in bed? Send all your burning sex questions to Alex and Steph at thebedpostpeople@gmail.com.
