The topic that once elicited uncomfortable discourse with moms and dads and prompted awkward dialogue with first-time partners is now a connecting thread among college students.
Virginity: It’s taboo to some and routine conversation to others. Whether discussed in hushed tones or referred to under a pseudonym, the v-word often serves as the nucleus of college banter.
But regardless of how the topic is handled, its definition is anything but clear.
For Mark Chaney-Gay, a freshman studying social work, his v-card status is best defined by the emotions elicited during sexual intercourse rather than the physical act itself.
Chaney-Gay said he defines cashing in his v-card to be sexual intercourse with a person he cares about.
“I think when I have a relationship with somebody and I do have sex (with that person) is when I’m going to say, ‘I’ve lost my virginity,’ ” said Chaney-Gay, who identifies himself as gay.
His emotion-based stance on virginity stems from an early childhood experience in which he was sexually assaulted.
He added that he believes virginity is a status defined solely by the individual and that his virginity will remain intact until he engages in consensual sexual intercourse.
Likewise, Kara Kauffman, a second-year graduate student in the college student personnel program, believes virginity transcends a black-and-white depiction.
A self-defined virgin, Kauffman, who is 26 years old, said she has only ever partaken in manual and oral stimulation. Her definition of an intact v-card is abstaining from genital-to-genital intercourse.
However, unlike many other 20-something virgins, Kauffman abstains from genital-to-genital intercourse for reasons unrelated to religious beliefs or social reasoning.
“I used to think it was because I hadn’t met the right person,” Kauffman said. “But I’m starting to think I’m a part of a small population — asexuals.”
Kauffman defines her asexuality by her lack of desire to engage in genital-to-genital intercourse, though she does partake in other sexual activities.
“There are people who have no desire to masturbate,” Kauffman said. “I would not say that’s me.”
But while Kauffman outlines her virgin status based on the parameters of her sexuality, others break virginity down to a more basic level.
Gregory Janson, associate professor of child and family studies and a licensed counselor, said that, though virginity is often questioned on a more personal level, there are methods to simplify the answer.
“My definition is any way you can get syphilis is sex,” Janson said.
He said he believes the virginity question is raised based on how individuals prefer to justify their sex lives. He compared how people define virginity with how people define trivial acts of stealing.
“It’s like sneaking a bottle of water into the movie theater. It’s stealing,” Janson said. “It’s the same rule with this sexual stuff. Don’t be telling me this is not sex and then have herpes the next day.”
Additionally, Janson said he believes there is excessive emphasis on an unbroken hymen acting as the primary signifier of an intact v-card.
“This whole business about the hymen is a myth,” Janson said. “You don’t ‘pop a cherry.’ … This is a myth.”
Janson explained that a normal hymen is a ring of flexible tissue in the vagina that cannot be broken. Blood found on the sheets post-romp can be attributed to first-time jitters or incorrect execution of penile-vaginal intercourse.
However, Sue Simon Westendorf, an associate professor in the Department of Biological Sciences, said that hymens do exist in a form that can be perforated by a penis or similar object.
Her only caveat for pegging the hymen as the main factor to determine virginity is that hymens vary from female to female.
“Some are already perforated at birth,” Simon Westendorf said. “Some are born with no hymen, and some are born with a very thick hymen that needs surgery (to perforate).”
Furthermore, Simon Westendorf said that, because one can’t physically distinguish whether someone is a virgin, the discussion of what constitutes “losing virginity” is irrelevant.
“We have lots of holes, and we have lots of appendages, and why is it more losing your virginity if you have a penis in your vagina than if you have a finger in your vagina?” Simon Westendorf said. “That’s why I don’t want to define virginity.”
For Simon Westendorf, virginity is nothing more than a personal, self-imposed label.
“How would we feel if, when we had sex for the first time, we had our little finger cut off and everyone knew?” Simon Westendorf said. “How bad would that be? Why is it anybody’s business?”
Additionally, Simon Westendorf said she doesn’t agree with a common idea held by some women and men: secondary virginity.
Secondary virginity, or the idea that one can regain virginity, can’t biologically happen, Simon Westendorf said.
“You’re never going to regrow your hymen,” Simon Westendorf said. “You’re never going to get that semen again.”
However, Simon Westendorf said she does believe that, from a social aspect, someone can self-define himself or herself as a secondary virgin.
Bryan Andrews, a junior studying communications, also said he believes it is up to the individual to decide whether they can regain their virginity.
“Obviously, if you’ve had sex, you’ve had sex,” Andrews said. “But there’s also a mental part as well.”
Andrews, who said he is a virgin, defines virginity as anything involving genitals. He has chosen to abstain because of religious beliefs.
“What influenced my decision is my relationship with God,” Andrews said. “He calls us to wait until we are married, so that is what I intend to do.”
Michelle Poliner, a senior studying communication studies, said she believes sex is confined to genital-to-genital intercourse. However, Poliner said that her sister, who identifies as a lesbian, defines anything past kissing as losing one’s v-card.
“I personally think that, if there is (a penis or a vagina) involved, that is the virginity being lost,” Poliner said. “I don’t know. If I were gay, that may be different.”
Elizabeth Chinn, a graduate assistant at the Women’s Center and a graduate student studying political science, said she believes no clear-cut definition exists and that people often default to personal definitions for the word.
“Sex can mean a lot of different things to a lot of different people — oral, manual, genital-to-genital,” Chinn said. “And to be honest, most people self-define sex enough that we don’t have to.”
sg409809@ohiou.edu
