I’m a junior and have been off and on dating a guy since senior year of high school. We’ve also hooked up twice (sober). However, he tells me he doesn’t want to settle down/be in a relationship until after he graduates college. There’s only one other girl he’s liked in the past three years (or at least that’s what he told me). Is this usual or do you find this sketchy?
--Single and ready to settle
College is a tough time for relationships — and so is every other time in a person’s life. My mom once told me that if everyone waited until their life was completely together before falling in love, there would be no babies.
(This also explained a lot of her parenting, i.e., home videos of me eating cereal off the floor.)
But even with life not quite perfect, people know the right time to jump into relationships. The choice may look strange on the outside, like couples dating while living in different cities, or may be overly obvious, like couples that provoke sighs and a sassy “finally” from friends. When you meet the right person, timing suddenly matters as little as the last week of classes. (Sorry professors, I am so totally joking. Unless this inspires you to cancel class this week, then you are welcome for the idea.)
What that guy is saying to you is totes sketchy, and he is not going to commit.
Whether it really is timing for him, balancing a busy schedule, loading up on friend time or simply cherishing his freedom, he is choosing all of those things over you. If he were into you, he would be with you. Not that he does not care about you or think you are super hot, but he is not looking to be your boyfriend.
Relationships are cool things. You get to learn about someone and explore with them; sometimes it turns out to be a blessing and sometimes definitely a curse.
They take work but also a lot of laughter. All anybody hopes for is a cool hottie to kick it with for a while — it’s that simple.
You said you are “single and ready to settle,” but do not settle for this guy. You have already spent three years worrying about him. Move on.
Steph Doan is a senior studying journalism. Is your love life headed to the gallows? Send her your sex, love and relationship questions at thebedpostpeople@gmail.com.
