Dear Bedpost,
My boyfriend and I dated for about five months before I realized that I wasn’t happy anymore. Since we’ve broken up a week ago, we’ve tried to be friends but have already slept together once. I really want to remain close, and he’s made it clear he needs me in his life. However, I want to get over him. Can exes ever really be friends?
Dearest Reader,
Rome was not built in a day and such, exes weren’t meant to be gotten over in a week…for most of us anyway; props to those of you who can.
For some reason, people have this obsession with “still being friends” or being “just friends” with their exes, which I think stems from late night loneliness and the movie 500 Days of Summer, and it’s completely natural. This person was important to you, and you still would like them around to ask for advice on which Mary Kate and Ashley movie to watch or what beer pairs well with birthday cake. Ya know, the usual.
But, trying to become too close too quickly is a recipe for disaster. You’re giving yourselves no time to adjust to friendship because, unless you’re devoid of emotion/my personal hero, it takes time to take him out of the boyfriend box in your mind and into the friendship box.
And this may never happen, it may happen in a month or it may take a very long time. Give yourselves some space (and that means no sex either) and see what happens naturally.
Or like, find a guy with a name the exact opposite of his while Mumm-Ra plays in the background. Seems to work for Joseph Gordon-Levitt.
Kristin Salaky is a junior studying journalism and the culture editor for The Post.
Breakups will almost always result in some unpredictable and often awkward feelings among involved parties, especially when they share a campus. Your situation does not sound too out of the ordinary.
I think the most important revelation here for your ex is that he’s wrong. He does not, in fact, “need” you. Even though he might think it right now and he hasn’t found someone to pick up the emotional slack you’re letting go of, there are other people out there who are better than you.
That’s not a slight, but simply mathematical probability. The above statement is false for exactly one person out of seven billion. He needs to know that you are not the end-all-and-be-all of his emotional fulfillment. Tell him point-blank that there are other girls and boys out in the world that will make him happier than you have.
There is no reason the two of you can’t still be friends, but maybe go easy on the coitus. I’m willing to bet he gets the wrong idea from it. No matter what you say before or after, his subconscious is almost certainly being led astray by these continued sexual transgressions.
So, once you’ve illustrated that you’re not that great, you might want to think about just spending some time apart. If you see him at a party there’s no need to sprint out the door, but take some time to not hang out or communicate.
Along with that, remind him that he has friends to talk to when he needs support and that you’re not his only outlet. It might seem a tad awkward to him at first, but at least one or two of his buddies will be able to help him out with that mushy stuff.
You’re not the best. He’s not the best. I’m not the best. It can do folks a lot of good to remember that.
Ian Ording is a junior studying journalism. Have an ex you just want to sex? Email us at thebedpostpeople@gmail.com
