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BedPost: Unmet expectations shouldn't mean bedroom embarrassment

Bedpost,

“I was messing around with a girl this week and she actually laughed out loud at the size of my penis. I’ve never had this reaction before and now I’m scared because I think every chick is thinking the same thing. What can I do?”

Dear reader,

The important question here is were you having sex with Scar from The Lion King? ’Cause that was cold.  

First thing is first; no one should ever shame her partner for his body. That’s like getting a big bowl of ice cream and complaining because it’s in the wrong shaped bowl — it’s still lovely and delicious. Was that a weird metaphor? Oh well…

The point is: if a chick isn’t enamored with the size of your manhood then maybe, just maybe, she has her own issues with her body that she has to work out. I’m pretty sure that the size of your penis has no reflection on the content of your character and your ability to be a good person. So if you’re looking for my perspective it’s not the size of the boat, it’s the motion of the ocean.

Whatever you do, don’t let one bad encounter with a sour grape spoil your sexual confidence. You keep on going for it (consensually) and I promise you will meet people who are not as awful as this chick sounds.

Also, between you and me, there are plenty of ways to please a lady that don’t involve what’s under the belt.

From the sound of things, you chose a particularly rude lady to fool around with in this instance. Would a reasonable person see someone on the street that was particularly short or had a bad acne breakout that day and laugh at him or her? Of course not. That’s a terrible thing to do, especially in reference to a man’s member.

Now, as far as I know, there are no methods to increasing the size of your third leg other than plastic surgery, and that is pricey. Some less-than-reputable websites will have you believe they can tack on inches (or so I’m told), but something deep in my gut says they are not to be trusted.

The warm-up band is an integral factor of any show. If you’re feeling down about the size of your headlining act, make the opener good enough and the crowd will be a whole lot more into what the main event brings to the stage. Any concert worth its salt has more than just the artist at the end of the night. There’s plenty of fun to be had before the Grammy winners get in front of the crowd.

And at the risk of sounding corny, if a partner still scoffs at how many megabytes your USB drive holds, maybe he or she doesn’t deserve to download your entertainment. Life’s too short to be dealing with people shallow enough to laugh to your face about things you can’t help.

Kristin is a junior studying journalism and the Culture Editor of The Post. Ian is a junior studying journalism. Have concerns about your member? Write to us at thebedpostpeople@gmail.com

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