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BedPost: Self-pleasure can prove beneficial for both in relationship

Dear BedPost,

A few nights ago, my boyfriend was spending the night and he noticed that I had a vibrator. He started getting really pissed off because he said he thinks it means I’m not happy. I am happy, but I like having it.


Dear Reader,

Ah, yes, inferiority complexes. Aren’t they sexy? Obviously having a vibrator is the same as having a living, breathing male companion. You can take it to the movies, take it to prom and on its own, it can give you that sweet lovin’.

Or not. See, what I don’t believe some people understand is that masturbating and owning a vibrator do not equal not being satisfied. They are completely different things. But since we live in a society where men are expected to want sex all of the time and women are supposed to deny or magically want sex at the exact same time as well, we see taking things into your own hands as a bad thing.

Spoiler alert: it’s not. Sounds like this man needs to be reassured that not only is it natural for you to engage in self-love, but is also a really good thing for both of you. It’s a de-stresser, raises self confidence and helps you sleep better. If all else fails, reassure him that you need him too because despite what I previously stated, I would not bring your vibrator to the movies.

Kristin Salaky is a junior studying journalism and the Culture Editor of The Post.

You totally missed a super sweet comeback opportunity right there. You should have said, “Why do you have a hand? Does that mean you’re not happy?”

Here’s a weird thing: guys kind of don’t think women masturbate. There’s absolutely no sound logic behind this subconscious misunderstanding of nature, but it’s a pretty widespread underlying school of thought.

When reasonable men are first informed that a lady will have an occasional wank, we’ll think (notice I said we), “Oh that makes a lot of sense. Everything’s going to be OK.”

But there’s another group of people with Y-chromosomes who, upon hearing about this dreaded female masturbation epidemic, respond angrily with something like “What? No, that’s what I do. I’m a guy; you can’t do that. I’m upset. I’m gonna go jerk off.”

It sounds like your boyfriend may be in this latter category. But fear not, he can still see the light. Just remind him that people like masturbating. And that includes you.

Ian Ording is a junior studying journalism and a slot editor at The Post. Need advice on self-love? Email us at

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