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Bed Post- Ian Ording

How to make snow days sexy

Ian and Emma discuss the best options for a sexy snow day 

While it is most unadvisable to commit any sort of sexual act in the snow (because your little tootsies will get all chilly), that doesn’t stop a nice blanket of fresh powder from inspiring folks everywhere to get nice and cozy together.

There’s nothing like a good snowy day to keep you inside and under the blankets, perhaps with a loved one. Since this week has ushered in the first real dusting of 2015, let’s tackle some of the more lovey-dovey activities for the winter weather that don’t include sleds.

  • Bake some stuff for each other. Winter is a very baked goods-heavy season, with all sorts of cookies and banana bread and muffins. Why not treat each other to some yummy snacks. Heck, you could even bake together. Possibly naked, if you’re into that. Still wear an apron though. For safety (and ’cause that’s kinda hot).
  • Read to each other. This could be anything from Harry Potter books to Harry Potter erotic fan fiction. Make a fire and soothingly narrate Hermione and … Draco, maybe? … doing it according to the words of Stephen, the guy who wrote this on the slash fic wiki.
  • Practice CPR. You can never be too adept at CPR and practice will never hurt.
  • Sex.

There’s a whole multitude of delightful activities to undertake by the fireside in your cottage in the snow with someone you care about. Warm up your snowy afternoon — the best kind of afternoon.

Ian Ording is a senior studying journalism and copy chief of The Post.

It’s almost inane to think that the white, frozen, fluffy stuff cascading from the sky can give you a serious case of the feels, but there’s no fighting it. The colder it gets, the more we desire a sort of person-blanket to keep us warm.

The kids call this “cuffing” season. It’s when you adopt a temporary significant other who doesn’t really mind if you neglect to shave, or if you wear the same outfit for the entire month of February.

In the holiday spirit or otherwise, you both have lowered your standards enough to fall into a Netflix-watching, sex-having, not-a-lot-of-rules relationship. Go you two. It’s a beautiful time of the year.

So when you’re granted a snow day from Ohio University — or you just decide you’re no longer going to class because you can’t physically make it up Jeff Hill without slowly sliding down and collapsing into a fit of the winter blues — take advantage of that time for lovin’.

We spend a lot of time in bed during this season, but too much of it sleeping. It’s time to shack up with your cuff-mate (or someone you’re actually dating, there’s no shame in that) and take advantage of the only time of the year where it’s socially acceptable to attempt to bang while fully clothed. Sweaters, mittens and all should make their way into coitus, if you’re doing it right. And if you’re not feeling all hot n’ heavy because it’s painfully freezing, use their body heat and several blankets to fuel your excuse to stay unshowered and in bed all day. ’Tis truly a beautiful thing to love and to be loved when you haven’t shaved your legs in several weeks.

Emma Ockerman is a sophomore studying journalism and local editor of The Post. Have any other winter tips or a question about your body? Ask these cats at thebedpostpeople@gmail.com.

 

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