If you’ve ever had a one-night-stand or friend-with-benefits, you know how it is. You call each other, mess around, then go on with your business.
But what happens when there’s a little something else there, and you want to make it more than sex?
Turning a friend-with-benefits into a boyfriend or girlfriend can be one of the hardest things you can do. It can go one of two ways: They’re into it, and you live happily ever after, or things burst into flames and you never see them again. But your feelings matter and if you want to be with them, you should try to.
It may be hard and require you to step out of your comfort zone for a little bit, but in the end, you’ll be happier with them or happier knowing that they didn’t want anything other than sex.
Here’s how to do it:
1. Try to hang out in a non-sexual setting.
Get a coffee, go for a walk, see a movie. See if they will step out of the bedroom for a moment and give you time in their day to get to know you. If they do, then that’s a good sign.
2. Get to know them.
Pillow talk is one of the most intimate things you can do with your partner. After the deed is done, get to know them. If they don’t really want to talk, or brush your questions off, they probably only want sex.
3. Define the relationship.
Ask them what they want out of this. Be straight up about what you want and about what they want. It will save you (possible) pain later.
4. Ignore them (mildly).
If they text you, don’t reply for an extra hour or so. It may seem petty, but if they keep texting you, you know they’re interested.
5. Meet their friends.
Do they know who you are other than a friend-with-benefits? If so, that’s a good sign.
But, say you’re on the OTHER side of things. Your buddy wants to make it more than just sex, and you don’t. What do you do?
1. Tell them you only want sex for right now.
Nothing more, nothing less.
2. Tell them early to minimize the pain of the “breakup.”
Save's everybody a lot of grief and heartbreak. Communication in any kind of relationship, romantic or not, is important.
3. Simply, find someone else that has the same vision of a relationship as you do.
There's bound to be at least one other person on this campus seeking out a casual relationship. Get out there and find them.
Once this is all said and done, you can either have the best relationship (and sex) of your life, or things could fall to pieces. But always remember, it’s important to consider what you want and what is best for your life at this point. Be selfish for a little bit, and take care of yourself. And if things don’t work out for you, they will in the future. Just give it time.
Hannah Wintucky is a sophomore studying strategic communication and Spanish at Ohio University. How do you let someone know you like them? Let Hannah know by emailing her or tweeting her at hw333514@ohio.edu or @wintuck.
