Having some form of piercing is not uncommon at all. In fact, it’s more shocking to learn that a girl’s ears aren’t pierced rather than to hear they are. But as we all know, there is a huge variety of piercings you could have.
Personally, I have a few more than the average person; from various classics like multiple earrings, my nose and my belly button, to my lip, my tongue and the big one: my nipples. (Nothing below the belt, I may not mind needles but that’s too scary even for me). But here’s the thing, as a woman who dates and hooks up with men, I have had enough strange experiences in relation to my less common piercings that I’m here to tell you what to do and what not to do.
Let’s start with the (relatively) more common one: my tongue. First off, it’s there for me, not you. I like the way it looks and that’s why it’s there. Too many times to count I have had men who I either don’t know at all or have just met muse about it in front of groups of people in ways that are entirely inappropriate. I have heard everything from “Oh, I bet I know why you have that piercing…” with a wink to “I bet men love you for that.” There are so many problems with any of these statements, but to start, what makes strangers think any of that is remotely appropriate? Plus, if your goal is to make me like you, there’s really no coming back from any statement along those lines for me. I know my tongue ring is interesting and I know it often has a sexual connotation, but that doesn’t mean you get to make me uncomfortable about it.
Now that we’ve covered the public issues with the tongue ring, let’s talk about the intimate situations. In countless makeouts, I’ve had a man suddenly decide that moving my tongue ring around is a good idea. Sometimes they go so far as to continuously try to push it around as though it’s a magic button to turn me on more. Guess what? It’s really, really not.
The most common outcome is that the metal clashes into someone’s teeth and hurts. Have you ever accidentally bit the fork you’re eating with? Smacking my tongue ring into either of our teeth is worse– it practically vibrates all of your teeth. So, men (and women, although I’ve never had a woman do this), please leave the tongue ring alone. If I want to run it across your mouth or anything else, I promise you I will. My only thing here is that if you’re curious about it and we’re hooking up, don’t say ridiculous things. Just plainly tell me what you want to do and ask for it. Going on about it makes me feel like some sort of exhibit to be experimented with, which certainly does not make me want to oblige your request.
What might make me want to do what you want, however, relates to my nipple piercings. They are a double-edged sword because if you do the right thing, everything goes so much better, but if you do the wrong thing? Don’t expect a text back. The most important thing to establish here is that I have them for two reasons: one, I think they are so pretty and I like to feel good about my body, and two, they make your nipples far more sensitive. The sensitivity is really what matters when it comes to hooking up.
While more sensation is absolutely phenomenal sometimes, it also makes it 10 times easier to be in pain. Don’t get me wrong, being a little rough can be great, but there is no need to harshly pinch or bite my nipples simply because there is jewelry there. I have had multiple men do exactly that. Between the metal jewelry and the pressure it puts on a sensitive area, it is a recipe for disaster. So here’s my advice: be careful and read your partner’s reaction (because I know for a fact the pain was written all over my face).
On a more positive note, there are some things you can do with the nipple rings to drive a girl absolutely crazy. The best thing I’ve ever had a man do entirely sounds like something off booktok but I promise you it will work. After tension built and I was getting us pie, he dragged the end of a fork across my nipple through my top. At that moment, he solidified that I was going to bed with him. So, keep in mind that light, teasing touches will get you everywhere you want.
Ultimately, it is all about being gentle and in tune with what your partner wants. If you want to try something, ask instead of just going for it. Be aware that piercings can be incredibly sensitive and personal and require consent and finesse before you go fussing around with them.
BedPost is a relationship column that does not reflect the views of The Post.