Saying yes to everything others ask of you is exhausting and can be debilitating. It causes you to place real happiness aside and believe helping other people is what heightens self-worth.
People-pleasing is something people often don’t perceive as a negative trait, as it can be masked by simply being kind. However, there is a difference between being a people-pleaser and being a caring person. Being a people-pleaser isn’t a positive title to carry around, and it means placing one’s worth in others’ hands.
Traits of a people-pleaser may include low self-worth and low self-awareness, and a people-pleaser may fear rejection. These are all components of a person who may be struggling with putting others' thoughts of them above what they truly want.
This behavior can build resentment and passive-aggressive anger at others as time goes on. People-pleasing can be traced back to potential past relationships, such as with parents, of conditional love. This basically means love is only given in certain instances. People-pleasing is a negative, deep-rooted issue and stems from mental struggles. It is not simple generosity.
Having low self-esteem is something many people can relate to. Many have moments of feeling insecure or like they aren’t good enough for the people around them or even themselves. This is something people-pleasers, who feel the need to help everyone, feel in many cases. Praising people-pleasing behavior is harmful as it encourages putting the needs of others before yourself, often leading to neglecting personal needs and harmful mental health issues.
The pressure to make everyone happy can also creep into work tasks and what people are asking of one person. Someone may take up too many tasks and overwhelm themselves to make others happy. This adds stress to life and the work environment, and people need to check on themselves before agreeing to help too many people. Setting boundaries is part of work and life outside of it.
Another issue with people-pleasing is that people often know when someone is a people-pleaser. They can even take advantage of it by knowing they are the ones to ask favors from. However, it's important to understand how pleasing people is rooted in struggles such as negative self-image and codependence. Don’t take advantage of someone’s mental struggles for your own benefit.
People-pleasing can be addressed and helped in a couple of ways. First, acknowledging whether you are putting others' needs way ahead of your own is important. Start setting some boundaries in everyday life. Also, acknowledge if you are lacking confidence and try some new practices to increase it. Therapy is also a useful tool if low self-esteem is impacting everyday life. There are many books and exercises to help as well. This will allow you to be confident in your worth and not place it all on how much people like you based on what you do for them.
Overall, people-pleasing isn’t the same thing as being a giving person. It means feeling pressure to do what others want of you and possibly placing this onto how you view yourself. It’s a hard role to play, and there are ways to manage it. Placing one’s self-worth in the hands of other people isn’t a good thing.
The things you do for people aren’t why they are in your life. It is because you are important and enjoyable to be around. Find ways to discover your own worth before relying on others. Saying “no” is part of living, and it’s not selfish.
Kyra Dapore is a senior studying journalism at Ohio University. Please note that the views and opinions of the columnists do not reflect those of The Post. Want to talk more about it? Let Kyra know by emailing her at kd364521@ohio.edu.
