The Muppets lack the female roles that are not whiny and frustrating to watch.
Miss Piggy has a serious problem only targeting blond, female actors, and it needs to stop. If this is the recurring theme — that Piggy is a raging female mess — the writers wish to develop, then move the show to Lifetime.
“Walk the Swine,” which under-utilized the potential for Johnny Cash references, was again a disappointment to all things Muppets. Miss Piggy has walked through The Muppets adaptations as an exquisite diva. Now she is just a bad Jenna Maroney from 30 Rock, and Kermit is no Liz Lemon.
Kermit is driving and notices there is a food truck blocking the parking space they provided for tonight’s guest, Reese Witherspoon. Before we have time to process why Miss Piggy hates Witherspoon for winning an Oscar for Walk the Line 10 years ago, Rizzo the Rat T-bones Scooter’s car in the parking lot. Rizzo waves it off as a scratch even though Scooter’s airbags went off. With the cars totaled, the rat gets all sketched out telling Scooter to not get his insurance company involved. Maybe it’s me, but thinking the Muppets have real-world problems like insurance rate increases isn’t funny.
When the series was announced, the adult subject matter was left to the imagination, except that the style was going to be based on The Office. This does hold true when it comes to the pointless banter between characters and lack of plot within an episode, but it’s fair to say only Michael Gary Scott or David Brent can pull this off.
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When Witherspoon is ready to go on stage for Up Late with Miss Piggy, Kermit asks her to not mention her Oscar when on stage. Witherspoon was surprised Piggy would still be that petty about the “valet service” for her car and muffin basket brought to her dressing room.
First off, show me any Muppet movie that doesn’t show Miss Piggy holding a grudge or having beef with someone. Come on, Reese. Second, we already had Piggy in an altercation with a blond, white female actor in Christina Applegate, which wasn’t that much of a hit. Thanks for the memories, ABC.
Kermit quickly gets the crew to track down Witherspoon’s car because he is sure Piggy “lost” it and to burn the muffins that he is convinced are poisoned.
Piggy tries to pick a fight with Witherspoon on stage with a little embarrassing banter, and Witherspoon shrugs it off hoping to talk about her contribution to Habitat for Humanity. She is so grateful to contribute at a construction site the day after the show. I forgot I was watching a fake talk show for a second and was convinced this one of those bland promotions from any other late show.
Piggy tries to one up her and says she is also working at a builder’s site the next day. Witherspoon fake smiles saying how funny it might be the same one. Piggy will stop at nothing to even the score.
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Still hyperventilating from the car accident, Scooter is flabbergasted that Rizzo goes on with his day normally. Rizzo tells him to calm down and says his cousin has a body shop who is a “wizard with a dent puller and a rubber mallet.” Since when does Rizzo belong to a family with a bunch of sketchy cousins with what resembles Italian mob side jobs? I call foul.
Scooter gets fined $500 by the cops for driving Rizzo’s cousin’s car which had bad plates. Scooter is directed to Uncle Tommy, a lawyer and fireworks technician.
Kermit stops by Piggy’s dressing room after the show with a “No Piggy don’t build a house with Reese” speech, but it’s pointless.
Piggy shows up in a limo and a cheetah tool belt to Habitat for Humanity — because that’s how I volunteer. “Charity work is about the entrance,” she says. Piggy is so struck by the attention that she thinks the surveyor is a cameraman. She keeps posing in front of it in her ultra suede stiletto boots. Witherspoon finds her and quickly tells Piggy there are no photo ops and no press. Piggy immediately goes to work by banging a pink bedazzled hammer on a porta john.
Fozzie is doing a bit at a comedy club with some new, funny material. The only problem is it’s Fozzie’s girlfriend, whom we haven’t seen since the first episode, and she’s not OK with it. The shrimp is the only one who notices the girlfriend is mad. Fozzie said she’ll have to deal with being the butt of cheap jokes.
Fozzie’s girlfriend, Becky, is at the studio and is making jokes about how Fozzie shakes off like a bear after he showers. Fozzie asks Bobo, the other bear in the office, if he does that too, but Bobo quips that he has an associate degree and therefore uses a towel. Becky exposes Fozzie’s secret that the song “True Colors” makes him cry, and he starts crying when the crew sings.
After this, Becky and Fozzie came to the mutual decision to keep personal lives personal.
At the construction site, Witherspoon dabs sweat, and Piggy makes fun of her.
Witherspoon says it’s OK that Piggy “won at construction” if that’s what matters, because Witherspoon’s ringtone is the sound of people clapping when I won my Oscar.
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They fight over a phone and they knock down the side of the frame of the house and then Piggy tries to blame it on a fake earthquake.
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Scooter spoke with Rizzo’s uncle Tommy, who made him wire $1,000. Rizzo directs Scooter to Angelo, who is a private investigator. Like, make this stop. Scooter caves and uses his own insurance.
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There’s a video on the Internet of Witherspoon and Piggy's incident, and Piggy is losing guests and sponsors. Piggy starts crying to Kermit about how embarrassed she is and wonders why her revenge took such a dark turn.
Kermit suggest they put out a press release to explain behavior with some kind of medical reason, because that’s definitely legit. Piggy suggests swallowing her pride and apologizing to her. She reasons she’s had a tough year and can’t take another setback such as this one.
Something’s up for sure.
Fozzie gets booed off stage at the comedy club for not doing his girlfriend jokes. Becky feels bad and yells out to from the crowd and says to talk about his girlfriend. He does and gets laughs.
On the show, Piggy thanks Reese for coming back on the show, and Reese apologizes. Piggy says she also has words to say about the matter and that she lost her temper it was the wrong thing to do. Piggy breaks out into rhymes and starts singing “I’m sorry” with male backup dancers. The beat drops with confetti, flag twirlers and women backup dancers appear as she raps. The whole time Witherspoon is open-mouthed.
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Piggy wanted to win at apologizing.
She may have won for the spectacle, but there is nothing spectacular about this episode.
Muppet MVP: Bobo the Bear for having an associate degree
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