BedPost is a sex and relationship column and will include mentions of sexual activity and other related topics. Reader discretion is advised.
In the U.S., 14 million couples are in long-distance relationships, with 34% of college students involved in such relationships. Dating apps like Hinge and Tinder make it easier to romantically connect with others far from you and increase the commonality of these long-distance relationships.
Long-distance relationships bring a multitude of challenges, especially in terms of intimacy. This Valentine’s season, it might be time to look at new ways to spice up long-distance relationships.
Sex is very important in relationships at any age; 76% of older adults agree. But for Generation Z, sex has become more mysterious than ever, with conversations about sex being less common among Gen Z and more common with millennials. Online access often alters expectations of sex, but also shows new ways of having sex, such as looking up sex-positive guides or engaging in sex online, in forms like sexting.
With long-distance relationships specifically, there is less time to explore the sexuality of your partner. This is even more true if they are against sending nude photos or sexting. Couples report experiencing a desire discrepancy, meaning one partner has a lower desire than the other, because of decreased effort or investment over time. Not being open to conversations about sex can be a mistake many couples make, and having a distance barrier makes this harder.
Balancing sex in a relationship maintained through texts and once-a-month meetings is difficult. There are many solutions for sexual intimacy with a long-distance partner. Personally, I find myself having lots of sex throughout the weekend when I am physically with a long-distance partner. At the end of the weekend, it’s easy to anxiously feel like you spent too much time having sex. However, having conversations with your partner about this can improve any anxious thoughts that come up. It’s OK to be all over your partner, especially if you haven’t seen them in a few weeks.
However, it’s also a good idea to find ways to have sex and intimate times in the space between in-person meet-ups. Send a saucy picture to your partner on a random Tuesday, or a dirty text when they’re out with friends. Invest in apps such as Agape, a relationship wellness app that provides questions for couples to answer for each other, including a multitude of questions surrounding topics of sex, sexting and intimacy.
No matter what you engage in, though, virtual or in person, make sure you are doing so with a partner you trust. You should never send or text something if you fear what your partner will do with it; you deserve someone you feel comfortable sending a nude to.
It’s important to remember sex isn’t the only important aspect of a relationship. Remember, there are plenty of things to do with your partner that aren’t sex; indulge in a new hobby, try a new activity together, then get freaky in the bedroom after. Long-distance relationships don’t mean you have to cut out sex entirely, but it shouldn’t be all you do either.
Talking to your partner, long-distance or not, about your feelings on sex, sexting and other topics related can strengthen the balance. Perhaps it’s time for us to learn and talk about sex as a generation of young adults.
BedPost is a perfect example of using online resources to improve a relationship built through online use. Sharing playlists, relationship apps, online games and so much more can aid the relationship without sex or thinking of new topics to talk about through phone calls and texting.
Explore sexting or explore other means of spicing up your long-distance relationship. It takes effort to make a long-distance relationship work, and I think, as a generation known for being tech savvy, our relationships can be strongest with this fact. Have fun sexting.
BedPost is a sex and relationship column that does not reflect the views of The Post. Want to share your thoughts? Email the Editor in Chief at editor@thepostathens.com
