You'd think with all the potential storylines swirling around the Masters this past weekend - one of them would actually happen. OK, so none of them did. And it made for some pretty boring golf. Ah, what could have been!
If Tiger Woods could have won his third straight, the whole world would have erupted. The world of golf stopped spinning when Woods whipped out the driver on No. 3 Sunday, thinking he could drive the par-4 green. Being that he's a conservative golfer when he needs to be, Woods proceeded to block it right and card a six on the hole. No green jacket. No history. No drama.
Instead of the entire world, Mike Weir, his wife and the other eleven golfers (who used to be hockey players) in Canada smiled and let out a small cheer. No fist pumps on 18 this year.
The CBS analysts said Weir's 6-foot par putt on 18 was the shot of the day because of the possible sudden-death playoff. Weir could have laid on his stomach, Happy Gilmore style, used his putter as a cue stick and the ball still would have been dead center. He was that rock-solid. No question. No drama.
Sudden death should be exciting right? Two guys, neither of whom had ever won a major, were going nose-to-nose for the Masters. And what does Len Mattiace do? He rolls over. He duck hooks his approach shot into the azaleas on No. 10, and it's over as quick as it began. Weir only had to three-putt for the win. Even I could three-putt. Yawn!
And finally, Martha Burk comes back into the Masters story. But this time she better not let the Magnolia Lane gate hit her in the butt on the way out. She brought 40 protesters with her.
40? From what she made it sound like the last several weeks, the entire female population was going to march across 18 green on Saturday. There were more police than protesters - and one guy went so far as to put up a sign saying, "Look at all those RIDICULOUS people." Then he left.
Hootie defeats Martha 1-up to win "Golf: Battle of Big-stupid-controversy."
So my conclusion, after watching about 12 hours of golf this weekend, is that fans just won't grab onto golf unless something amazing happens at one of the big events. The tradition of the Masters and a number of great shots is not enough to keep the interest of fair-weather fans.
A protest, a record or even streaking down the 18 fairway probably would have been enough to catch people's attention.
Maybe next year, Happy Gilmore can play.
--Duffy, a junior journalism major, promises never, ever to speak of Martha Burk in her columns again - unless a woman is admitted to Augusta. Send her e-mail at laura.j.duffy.1@ohiou.edu.
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Laurie Duffy
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Laurie Duffy
