BedPost writers look to see if love can work with opposing moral and political view points.
If I'm a nontheist (and serious about it, if that makes sense) but not hostile toward theists/theism, and I am a pro-choice, liberal, chill dude who couldn't care what people do as long as they don't hurt anyone, could a relationship work between myself and a Catholic (very serious about it), conservative, pro-life girl who really only listens to country music?
To answer your question as quickly as possible: Probably not.
The subject line of the email containing this question was “Opposites Attract?” That oft-touted phrase has always seemed a bit misleading for my tastes. It implies people who are completely different will find some sort of infatuation with each other because of those stark distinctions.
The phrase should really be more along the lines of “People who are largely similar yet have personalities that diverge in key ways attract.” But that sounds dumb and unwieldy so here we are.
What you’ve outlined about yourself and your prospective lover sound like some pretty substantial gaps in ideology. With the labels you’ve applied to the two of you, it sounds like you don’t just disagree on key political issues; you’re morally opposed to each other’s points of view.
You’re talking about full-fledged religious beliefs that are completely at odds with each other. This isn’t an Episcopalian marrying a Unitarian; this is decidedly Catholic and decidedly lacking in faith trying to come together.
What’s more, in a part of the email that had to be removed for space, you also mention how you don’t want to ever get married, and she definitely wants to marry. That statement on its own means at least at some point down the line, one of you is going to be very unhappy with your relationship, if it hadn’t already blown up years before.
The first thing you said about each involved party was religious standing. If that’s such a big deal to both of you and you’re on such opposite ends of the spectrum on that and more, I wouldn’t put money on the two of you working out.
Ian Ording is a senior studying journalism and copy chief of The Post.
If you weren’t hostile toward theists, you likely wouldn’t have serious qualms with dating one. As much as we’d like to believe that our political beliefs don’t find their way into our bed sheets and pillow talk, they do. Especially if said political beliefs argue whether life starts at conception or not.
Though you clearly like this girl, enough to type an email about it, you also clearly shouldn’t be dating someone you describe as “really only listens to country music.” If she’s serious about her Catholicism, as much as you are your nontheism, you’ve likely already had this discussion about whether things “could work.” If you have to weigh the pros and cons of a person’s existence in your life before they’re even officially in your realm (Facebook official, I mean, love-quantifying stuff like that) then you have to wonder what things will shape out to be months down the line when you have your answer. People don’t change just because you wait and hope they’ll align with your beliefs. Days, weeks or months from now — she’ll likely still be a serious Catholic, conservative, pro-life girl who really only listens to country music. If you suddenly stop considering that a roadblock, proceed with your love-fest.
Opposites don’t attract. They’re something different than what we’re used to. Opposites are exciting. When it comes down to it, though, you’re going to want somebody who agrees with you on a few political statements or more. Most people want to feel that their partner is on their side, and you’d be surprised by how often your contradictory political views slither into a totally non-political fight about whether Taco Bell or Taco Johns is tastier. Boom. Suddenly you’re arguing creationism. Love is incredible.
If you can look past her beliefs (read: beliefs, not faults) then by all means, cast your sails. I’m sure that opposites have worked before. For now, proceed with caution, and be careful that you’re not insulting her beliefs by citing them as the sole reason for why she wouldn’t be a prime partner. Some great people like country music.
Emma Ockerman is a sophomore studying journalism and local editor of The Post.
Have any more questions about sex, love or religion? Email us at thebedpostpeople@gmail.com.
