Absence makes the heart grow fonder
wrote Thomas Haynes Bayly in The Isle of Beauty.
Well, the above quote might be true in theory, but its execution could be a little difficult. Although being with your special someone after a long absence can make your time together all that much sweeter, it does not make the actual time you have spent apart any less agonizing.
Long-distance relationships can work if both people are willing and ready to put forth the effort. It takes maturity and trust for the relationship to succeed. Whether you and your sweetie attend different colleges, live in different states or are separated by an ocean, you need to have a system. Long-distance love requires more than a typical relationship - and I'm not just talking about a cell phone with free long distance.
Preparing for a long-distance relationship needs to involve one major aspect: communication. Talking about your feelings and thoughts on the separation can help you put things in perspective. Communication is a key to any relationship - and when it cannot be done face-to- ace its importance is multiplied exponentially. More than likely your contact with each other will mainly happen via cell phones, Instant Messenger and e-mails. Be sure to take the extra time to send your significant other e-cards or virtual flowers. Little added touches like those matter so much when you are unable to see them everyday.
Although this next piece of advice is applicable for all relationships, learning how to express your feelings will help you maintain that long-distance love. When the only contact you have with your special someone is via the phone or letters, being able to communicate your feelings clearly is especially important. Your partner should know what you are thinking; don't be afraid to share the good news and the bad with them. Keeping them involved in your trials, tribulations and successes is vital to maintaining the geographically-challenged relationship.
Another part of succeeding in a long-distance relationship is explicitly stating your expectations up front - and not just after things start to sour. Once again that aspect demonstrates the need for honest, meaningful communication. You need to know exactly what you expect from your partner before you set out on your own. Also, knowing where the other person stands on the issue could help you shape your own expectations if like most people the subject seems perplexing.
Now, as imperative as it is to keep open the lines of communication with your special someone, you cannot let their absence interfere with leading an independent life. Just as you should not ditch your social life, hobbies and friends for a relationship in close quarters, you should not shut yourself up in your room pining over your situation, nor should you spend every waking moment waiting for their call, talking to them and lamenting about when the next exchange will be.
Leading your own life gives you interesting things to talk about on the phone with your boyfriend/girlfriend. It shows them that even though you miss them, you are capable of surviving on your own. According to Cosmopolitan online edition, the happier you act about your life, the happier you will actually be. Keeping an upbeat outlook will spill over into your relationship and also could help cheer up your boyfriend/girlfriend should they be having a particularly rough day.
Being apart for long periods can give your mind a chance to wander. You and your partner need to trust each other and be confident that you are staying faithful. As long as they do not give you a reason to doubt them, trust them when they say what they are doing and with whom they are spending time. There will be hard times, but there would be hard times if you were together frequently too. The trick is to talk to them and make the most of the time you do share. What matters is the love you have for each other.
Remember that your relationship can survive a separation. Although you may feel sad or lost at first without them, you will eventually learn to lead a life independent of your boyfriend/girlfriend's physical presence.
Long-distance relationships are tough to manage, but trusting each other, enjoying your independence, talking openly and remembering the love you both share can make them work.
- Ashley Henry is a sophomore journalism major. Send her an e-mail at ah628704@ohiou.edu 17
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Ashley Henry
