A month ago, I skeptically signed up for Yahoo Personals as part of an online dating experiment. I have to admit I expected to encounter some creepy people. Now that I have finished my month-long trial, I am still slightly creeped out, but not by the daters.
While I naturally put up with my share of wily 60-something-year-old men and a few relentless guys who viewed my profile at least once a day, I mostly found a selection of people who were honestly looking for someone to spend meaningful time with ' no ulterior motive involved.
Normal people use online dating for normal reasons and while safety undoubtedly remains a chief concern, the caricature of the online prowler or desperate single needs to be dropped as an outdated stigma.
The thing I found unsettling was not the men themselves (for the most part), but the fact that not even dating is left untouched by technological facilitation. After forking over the $25.99 for a month-long subscription, I could not help but feel regret that even dating has been commodified.
When a personality is neatly cordoned off into sections according to hobbies, future plans and ideal number of children, it is hard to infuse it with the elements of spontaneity and gradual discovery that make dating and falling in love so exciting.
It is true that many people do find lasting relationships through online dating services, but that does not mean it works for everyone.
Personally, I do not know if I would ever be able to stifle the lingering thought that my stats and not my dazzling sense of humor or titillating conversation gave rise to the attraction.
For me, online dating depersonalizes the first contact, which can be one of the most memorable parts of a relationship. I just cannot imagine telling my children about the first time their father mustered the courage to send me a free icebreaker on Yahoo Personals.
But, rather than society as an innocent victim of technology, I wonder if it is society that propels technology to increasing levels of vitality. Instead of technology and new communication outlets spurning online dating, maybe it is the product of a work-obsessed culture that cannot find the time to pursue hobbies, let alone date.
So in a culture that thrives on instant gratification, we turn to the Internet to accelerate relationships just as it does for all the other aspects of our lives.
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Meghan McNamara
