Big props to Uncle Sam this week for trading more of our useless personal liberties for an extra large serving of safety.
The enveloping embrace of Big Brother has been protecting Americans from terrorists for years in the real world. Now, U.S. Intelligence will also be hunting terrorists in the virtual World of Warcraft.
Whether America's enemies are conspiring in the hills of Pakistan or the artificial desert of Tanaris, the vigilant Eagle will always be ready to obliterate a terrorist camp or ban a l33t h4x0r's IP address.
If terrorists are indeed recruiting through online games, we will have to alert our police officers and airport security guards to be on the lookout for pale, pimply teenagers, too. These suggestible killing machines have been honing their skills for years with violent video games such as Grand Theft Auto. All it takes is a simple suggestion from an e-terrorist to go from All your base are belong to us to Allahu Ackbar.
First, the intelligence gathering program codenamed Reynard will profile online gaming behavior, attempting to identify gamers who fit the developmental profile of a terrorist. Once this behavior is established, Reynard will be able to automatically detect suspicious behavior and actions in the virtual world.
So when a stealthy Rogue jumps out of the shadows, looking to slaughter lower-level gamers, America will be there. When you blow up a tower in Nagrand to gain control of a neutral city, America is convinced you'll do the same thing in Jersey.
But how are terrorists obtaining computers and, more importantly, the broadband Internet access necessary to play WoW? The Organisation for Economic Co-Operation and Development keeps track of Internet access worldwide and no country with links to terrorism even registers on OECD's charts. While 22 percent of American Internet users surf with broadband, less than five percent of the already small number of Internet users in terrorist-laden countries use broadband.
Then again, maybe the terrorists are just jealous. Compare the number of Warcraft gamers recruited versus terrorists recruited. Each had their own cult following before September 2001, but the announcement of World of Warcraft that month as well as the terrorist action brought new converts to both.
In recent years, Warcraft has introduced new player levels and other content bringing the total number of subscribers to over 10 million. At the same time, boring old terrorists were fighting the same old game over and over. Terrorists struck just 14,000 times in 2006 and half of those were in Iraq. If the terrorists had Warcraft subscriber numbers, then they might finally turn some heads.
Americans have fought terror on the streets and in the minds, and now we are going virtual. It is every American's duty to give up as many civil liberties as possible so our government can keep us safe. The more we are watched, the safer we are.
We have cameras at many traffic intersections around this country and there are no terrorists in our crosswalks. The government rightfully tapped our phones to make sure our words were spoken as patriotically as our public actions depicted. And when the United States shines its big spotlight on the World of Warcraft, the cockroaches will scatter from the light back into their shabby cave dwellings, never to bother the United States ever again.
Chris Yonker is a senior journalism major. Snitch on any shady characters at cy129904@ohiou.edu.
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Chris Yonker
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Chris Yonker
