Faster than a spending liberal! More powerful than a loco lobbyist! Able to leap to the top of the polls in a single bound! It's not a bird, it's not a plane ' it's Super Tuesday.
Don't start looking for that annoying second piece of identification for the polls just yet, Bobcat Nation. While Ohio was all up in the Super Tuesday action last election, 14 states switched their primaries this year to today. This Super Tuesday is the earliest and largest to date, leading CNN to wittily dub the day Super Duper Tuesday. Not quite as good as my suggestion of John McCain Coronation Day
but I'll let CNN have this one.
I'll hand it to CNN, though ' Super Duper Tuesday gets the real message across. They are clearly alluding to the juxtaposition between the Super Republican candidate, McCain, and the tricky, duping Democrats. That's right, the Democrats are tricking the American people into voting for them this election.
Barack Obama has been throwing the word change around like hash browns in a Waffle House recently, but his stances are noticeably in favor of the status quo. Mr. Change supports keeping Roe v. Wade on the books and said American can remain a beacon of freedom and justice for the world. Sounds like business as usual, Obama.
McCain, however, is a sturdy leader who knows that this change malarkey is the last thing a country needs when it is at war. The country needs a Commander-in-Chief who isn't afraid to get dirty on the front lines. McCain had the right idea when he was speaking to a small gun factory in October and said, I will follow Osama Bin Laden to the gates of hell and I will shoot him with your products. That's my kind of leader.
But how long have we as a nation endured these candidates parading around? Hillary Clinton started her exploratory committee in January 2007. If she would have started off just three months sooner, she would have been closer to the 2004 presidential election than the official target in 2008.
I believe that as Americans we measure time in television seasons. I mean, we all remember that the unspeakable events of Sept. 11 happened in 2001 because that year's Real World was set in New York City. But these presidential hopefuls are more celebrities than candidates for the highest public office in the land.
Why are we now talking about likability and electability all of a sudden? I remember back in the day where we elected candidates based on what they could do for the country while asking citizens to do the same.
Who cares how compassionate Hillary is? Obama is well-spoken, but will his words get us out of Iraq? You may think you're a voting veteran, but a vote for American Idol is slightly less important than deciding the identity of the world's most powerful person.
This particular season of Presidential Election has gone on a little too long with relatively few plot developments. Hillary is still talking about health care for all, Mitt Romney is still trying to cure Mormonphobia and I'm still yawning and searching for the remote.
The presidential primaries are fine right where they are on the calendar. When you let states decide when to vote, you are giving each state the opportunity to decide their importance. Each state will invariably decide they are more important than they really are.
Chris Yonker is a senior journalism major. E-mail him your absentee ballots at cy129904@ohiou.edu.
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Chris Yonker
