I am an overweight, middle-aged single woman interested in home repair. Although after midnight, I'm a sexually deprived unemployed, heterosexual man.
At least, that's what the commercials I see day after day after day keep telling me. I'm starting to wonder if there's something to this.
For instance, when I watch HGTV, which is admittedly quite often, I see ads for Lowe's (home repair) and Home Depot (home repair) and weight loss programs (wait --- what?). And when I switch over to some Adult Swim or late-night movies, I'm bombarded with ads for working at home and pulling in thousands of dollars a month (unemployment) or for sleazy 1-800 numbers with hot, local girls waiting for me (sexually deprived).
Who am I to argue? Other than that last one. Sorry, ladies.
Companies shell out big bucks to run ads at targeted audiences. I mean, it makes sense to run a Nike commercial during an NBA telecast, to overload viewers of Spike with cologne ads, for MTV viewers to see commercials for G? well, they pretty much will buy anything if someone more famous than them wears, uses or once saw said product.
Oh
my God! Usher prefers Clorox over other leading detergents. Mom!
Maybe these companies know me better than myself. Maybe advertisements are like some universal personality test where they match you with your soul mate of a product.
Do you enjoy watching Delta Burke's rollercoaster of weight loss on Designing Women? Then you'll love our new motorized wheelchair ' now with a basket to take your pharmacy with you.
Watching Comedy Central before noon on a weekday? You probably need money, fast, and you were watching some stand-up comedy to forget the financial fiasco that is your life. Please call.
Are you a loyal Time Warner cable subscriber? Then maybe you would enjoy Time Warner Cable G? yeah, I don't get that one either.
The list goes on. Watching Bravo probably means you need new perfume or makeup or style tips or that you're gay.
I think it's time we listened. I know I'm joining Curves today, right before I mix some paint to give the living room a more Earth-tone feel to it.
This applies even to you tech-savvy people who catch their favorite shows online. And all those people who prefer subscription cable channels?
No commercials? Really? None at all?
Damn.
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Justin Thompson
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Column: Or Something Like That
