If you’re set up on two random dates in a short span and you continue to see both, at what point are you obligated to pick and/or tell one of them about the other?
Ah, an age-old inquiry about love and its rules. Funny thing is that, when it comes to love, there are no rules.
“All is fair in love and war,” and I stand by this.
Love is felt more than explained. Anyone who pretends to understand love does so only to harbor it in self-help books and Internet dating sites. All to make you happier for a nifty price of $19.99 plus tax.
Plain and simple, to spare me any more clichéd little sayings: There is no clear right and wrong here, no specific cut-off week, no strict honesty policy.
It’s great to play the field and enjoy it. There’s no need to saddle your dating life with one partner. But, sometimes no matter where you are in life, you meet a person so fantastic, such a stud, that you can’t help but lay aside your big plans for a second and notice how fast your heart is fluttering.
This philosophy keeps me sane, makes me realize what I really want and also saves me a few bucks at the mall.
If I can’t choose between two different washes of jeans, I don’t love either. Sure I’ll flirt with the idea of maxing out my Discover card and wearing them both (everyone needs to keep life interesting at times). But in the end, I realize neither is my on-sale pair of True Religion jeans, which both slims my thighs and perks up my booty adding a life-changing swag to my step.
Steph Doan is a junior studying journalism.
You had me at “random dates.” I’ve got to know how this works. Did your friends just tear out a page of the student directory and make some calls, or was it more of a blindfolded spin and point sort of deal?
Back to your question. You said, “obligated to pick.” Obligation is a tricky term because, in the dating world, you make your own obligations.
If you think it is wrong to interact sexually with more than one person in a set time, then you have obligated yourself to be monogamous. If you feel it is wrong to “go on dates” with more than one person in a set time (which sounds like the situation in which you find yourself), then you have obligated yourself to choose after the first date.
So, now you get to ask yourself the “How do I define the concept of morality with regard to dating?” question. I recommend wearing a smoking jacket and playing with your sophisticated-without-being-creepy mustache while you sit back and contemplate.
That said, there are general rules. If you like one more than the other, stop draggin’ Ms. Just-not-working-out-for-you behind your horse (assuming you ride one).
They should know where you stand. If one asks, “Are we exclusive?” your answer is, “No.” (Honesty, right? How ridiculous.)
You don’t need to go into detail about Ms. Taking-me-to-that-nice-Italian-place-tomorrow. But, you do not deny her existence. If your feeling on the matter changes later, you just say, “I would like to make this exclusive.” Crazy, I know.
I’d love to hear how your random dating works out. Write us back.
Alex is a junior studying psychology and criminology.
Are you struggling with your sex life in the New Year? Send Alex and Steph your sex and love questions at thebedpostpeople@gmail.com.
