Since I got out of a recent relationship, I’ve noticed myself becoming extremely (dependent) on masturbating much more often to fulfill the sexual need in my life. Is this attachment to sexual need going to take me over?
You are a human being, probably even a human being in your young twenties.
Sex plays a pretty big role in most people’s lives at this age. This is not a bad thing. Treat sex — meaning all forms of sexual interaction — with respect, and be sure to tend to the other areas of your life — like food and work and stuff — and you should turn out fine.
Your position makes sense. Sexual relationships involve sex (it’s in the word). When one ends, you have to find a new sexual outlet. I want to commend you. Rampant masturbation is probably the healthiest outlet you could have found.
Post-relationship, you have to take care of yourself. At times, this means re-learning independence. You can no longer depend on your significant other as a source of sex, so learn to “do it yourself.”
You have a couple of options on how to do this, the polar sides being unchecked masturbation versus pursuing a self-destructive onslaught of nameless genitalia as a means of manufacturing a sense of self-worth. Heads up: The second one doesn’t work.
So go buy some lotion, a vibrator or a box of tissues and lock your door.
Re-learn any self-confidence or self-worth that the break-up may have damaged — you owe this to yourself. And once you feel happy and complete, and you don’t need anyone to validate your being strong and independent — that is when you are ready to take someone home.
Alex Bill is a junior studying psychology and criminology.
A little self-discovery is key in this situation. But the emotional kind, not the physical — so drop the hand mirror.
Do you normally look for sex partners like a kid in a candy shop looking for something sweet? In other words, do you usually crave it?
If you saw a drop in outgoing sexual activity after previous relations, it looks like a recurring problem.
If it looks like a problem — walks, talks and smells like a problem — then it is most likely a deeper issue.
Go ahead and get down with yo-fine-self, because masturbation is both healthy and normal. Plus, that self-discovery I joked about is actually a real thing. All that practice leads to better knowing what makes your cork pop the next time you do choose celebrating with a partner.
But there are side effects, including carpal tunnel and loneliness. No matter how explosive the solo act is, no wrist or vibrator will be able to hold you after the sensual session.
It is amazing the vibrations a good pair of warm arms can give you when wrapped up in them. Sometimes these butterflies bring on more toe curling than the flutters of a perfect orgasm.
So do your thing, girl. Just check in a little deeper now and then to double check your box is being properly checked.
Steph Doan is a junior studying journalism.
Have you hit a rut in your sex life? Send Steph and Alex your questions at thebedpostpeople@gmail.com.
