I’ve been talking to a guy for a while now, and he hasn’t made any moves. How do I make the first move without being too forward?
You don’t mention if you are a man or a woman, which, while it may affect why he hasn’t made a move yet, does not really alter my recommended course of action — aside from finding out his sexual orientation before you ask him out.
My advice: You just do exactly what you would want him to do. That probably entails saying something like, “Hey, would you like to go grab coffee with me sometime or go out for a drink this weekend or go on a date with me?”
You know what you consider to be “too forward,” so don’t do that. Simply asking someone out, or “making a move” within reason, should be met with a very reasonable, “Thank you, but I am just not interested in being more than friends” or “Yes, I’d love to.” Either way, you will respect yourself more for having the courage to pursue what you want.
Besides, if your making the first move freaks him out, is he really the kind of guy that you want to spend even more of your time with?
I respect your willingness to pursue him rather than just waiting for him to take the first step. Inaction is the great killer of potential, especially of potential relationships. Long-term partnerships, flings and friendships all require effort from both sides, right from the start, so to sit around and hope that a relationship will just “happen to you” is to watch them all pass you by.
Good for you, good luck and let us know how it turns out.
Alex Bill is a junior studying psychology and criminology.
If a guy wants you, he will do anything and everything to make a move.
At least that is what every chick-flick in my sorority house says, as well as college boys who use the phrases “rail” and “grenade” like they’re already printed in the Oxford Dictionary.
But it takes a lot of courage to like someone. One skipped text response and suddenly you feel as attractive as a skin-tight butt-sock after six beers. There are so many factors that go into asking out a girl or guy.
Is he or she taken? Is he or she hooking up with anyone? Anyone I know? What if the flirting is friendly? What if he or she is crazy? Lame? Too cool? What if he or she straight-up rejects me, then tells all his or her friends?
But you cannot be afraid to break some bones.
Too forward means grabbing his hand and taking him straight to bed, which, although hot, does not always lead to anything past one night. It is more than obvious from your question that you want a relationship.
Anything else is human. Getting coffee — totally normal. Heading to the bar for a drink — perfectly OU. Going to a mutual party together — totally an excellent excuse. Studying together gets brownie points in class.
Also, why not throw your own get-together? Grab some friends, music and shenanigans, and invite him. It will create a safe environment in which he can let loose.
Not to say that alcohol should be required for either of you to make a move; there are plenty of non-drinking alternatives.
Just got for it, make some big jumps.
Steph Doan is a junior studying journalism.
Is your sex life stuck in a rut? Send your questions to Steph and Alex at firstname.lastname@example.org.