Aside from The Post’s anonymous sex column, I find others in spaces around me don’t discuss sex. I am often the most sex positive person in the room, and I’m not afraid to talk about it. Yet, I am finding that other sex-positive people and I don’t want to have sex despite how much I talk about it. In fact, many feel this way, as 37% of Americans don’t have sex weekly.
Over the last few years, young adults have been having less sex. There are several factors, including access to healthcare, and the fact that many young adults are in long-distance relationships. The horror of dating apps also steers many people away, plus the hook-up culture we are living in isn’t exactly welcoming or kind.
I was averse to having sex myself until my first time, and now it’s a normal act in my relationships. However, I’ve noticed that I’m getting burnt out, leaving new partners to deal with less sex.
I’ve written for BedPost in the past, including one about men needing to learn how to have sex. I still think this holds up; however, I must revisit it.
It was suggested that finding a partner who knows what they are doing could solve low libido, but it’s not an assumption that can be made before being in the bedroom, though even a great partner in bed doesn’t guarantee no burnout.
As we grow, our sexual interests grow as well. Like our taste buds, sometimes we decide mustard is delicious, and sometimes we decide bondage is sexy.
Implementing more kinks in the bedroom can spice things up. Sexual exploration is connected to self-discovery. If we empower ourselves privately, we can create a deeper connection with our partners and boost self-image. By not repressing sexual desire, we will foster more inclusivity around sexual identities and conversations instead of feeling shame.
Lately, I find myself getting bored in the middle of sex and then ditching it entirely. This can be irritating for your partner as it may result in fluctuating feelings or less sexual desire. Usually, a conversation with a partner will fix this.
Ultimately, while boredom in sex is frustrating, it is most important to be honest with yourself and your partner about what you need. It does not mean something is wrong. In fact, it may just be a temporary case.
Boredom during sex may have you skipping out during halftime, but it doesn’t mean you have to say goodbye to sex or your partner; it just means your routine needs to be shaken up. How you feel day-to-day can contribute to your boredom, so it can be as simple as talking to your partner or friends about how you feel. Then, back in the bedroom, you can use your boredom as a tool to try new things and talk to your partner about your sex routine.
Revising your sex routine can lead to sexual exploration. Exploring sexuality could be a time to explore sexual orientation. The journey can go outside of the binary. Trying new kinks or even different sexual partners could help with this. Struggling with sexual expression is normal, and talking about it can help avoid experiencing sexual repression.
When our libidos, or sex drives, change, we need to think about our sexuality and how much of it we want to express. We can also think about how we want to express our sexuality and with whom. All sexualities belong on a spectrum, including in non-normative ways.
It is always teased that college is for sexual experiments, and now I no longer treat that as a stereotypical joke. In other words, I shouldn’t be ashamed that I am irritated with the current sex I am having, or not having.
If you are feeling burnt out on sex, it could just mean you need a break. If you are feeling unfulfilled, explore why that may be. Irritation with sex or a low libido is normal. Anyway, I’m so not turned on right now.
BedPost is a sex and relationship column that does not reflect the views of The Post. Want to share your thoughts? Email the Editor in Chief at editor@thepostathens.com.
