WASHINGTON — The National Research Council has recently discovered through rigorous study that the easiest and most efficient way to reduce stress from classes by far is dropping out of school.
“There were many techniques tested,” an anonymous researcher said. “Anything from developing better study habits to taking a day off. Turns out the best way to help is to just drop out completely. In almost every case, that reduced the stress of classes by 100 percent.”
The researcher chose to give no comment about other sources of stress that might come of doing this, stating that “stress from classes” is all they were studying.
Researchers have began to encourage students to drop out to avoid these sort of stress levels.
“Next time you have a big paper to do, your stress, of course, will skyrocket,” Mary Ellen O’Connell, the executive director of the Division of Behavioral and Social Sciences and Education said in an interview. “We have determined that in order of least to most reducing stress of class, you can either put off the assignment to the last day, do the assignment efficiently over time, threaten a friend or weaker classmate into doing the assignment for you or completely drop out of school and not have to worry about the assignment at all."
The council hopes that their studies will further improve the lives of students by making them not students anymore.
Marco Omta is a sophomore studying music production. Please note that the views and opinions of the columnists do not reflect those of The Post. Do you ever consider dropping out when you are stressed? Email Marco at mo183714@ohio.edu.
